Friday, April 9, 2010

I just don’t know…

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Image found here

To be totally truthful I have been suffering a serious attack of the blues of late and I think the crux of it is that in not too many months time I will have come to the end of a four year journey as I finish my Bachelor of Graphic Design. The finishing is not so bad, as much as I have enjoyed study I really need a break for a bit and financially it would be wonderful to be earning an income. But I guess that’s just it, what if it all comes to naught and I end up as a check out chick at the supermarket and don’t get me wrong that isn’t a slur on check out chicks, it’s just not what the last four years of hard slog has been about.

When I try to analyse it I think that it might have something to do with my past. Twenty years ago now about the same time I was coming to the end of my nursing training as a fresh faced 21 year old with the years flowing out before me. As life would have it a detour occurred with the surprise package that was my son and as way leads on to way and child leads on to child I have spent the last 18 years fully immersed in mothering and totally enjoying it. But in the back of my mind something was never quite fulfilled or completed and I guess I feel a certain sense of insecurity that this may happen again, and at the soon looming age of 40 it may be too late.

There are some serious limits to living where I live, there are few Design Studios and opportunities are limited to the areas you can work in. I look around me and everyone else seems to be so much further ahead, younger or able to follow wherever opportunity leads.

However there have been a few glimmers on the horizon, a few signs of interest and encouragement and these mean so much, really a lifeline that keeps my head above water and leaves me with hope.

Hope, it really is the best thing, hope and faith. Faith that things will work for the best and that it will all work out in the end.

hebrews 11 poster

This is what I cling to in the end and really I know it’s about the combination of faith, hard work and making your own opportunities, in fact I will keep looking for them in the unexpected places they are not always obvious. Most of all I just need to keep telling those inner voices to shut  the hell up and DONT BE AFRAID!

2 comments:

Krista said...

You go for it, Kylie!! Sometimes we don't need to see the whole path, just the next step.

Debbie Clandening said...

Best wishes on your journey.
The sidetrips, switchbacks and adversities make a richer more colorful life. Good for you for following your dreams of an artful career it will work out perfectly, because as they say you are exactly where you are supposed to be. Plus your art has "it".ps animal wednsday is on mim's blog http://ammdh.blogspot.com/