A lot of the time in Blog land it seems everything is rosy and everyone’s life seems so happy and nice. We seem to only share the good and not so much the bad and of course that’s fine cause who wants to hear everyone moan about the rotten things. I for one love to hear all the happy goings on, but for me at the moment I just can't seem to blog 'happy happy joy joy' cause basically it's not my reality. That's perhaps why I haven't been a regular blogger for the last little while.
This year so far has been right up there with the worst in so many ways. Beginning with school trouble with my youngest and major financial set backs that has seen our family struggle so much and with no end in sight and then finally I have some major health issues. I was diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes a couple of months ago the result of neglecting my health for too many years and now am having to make major changes which is challenging to say the least. Getting the balance right between what I need to do to be healthy,family needs,work commitments etc etc, you know, all the stuff women seem to shoulder, all I know is it's bloody hard!
There is a verse in the Bible which describes a mother Eagle stirring up her nest to encourage her young to fly, making them uncomfortable enough to try their wings and leave the nest. Some say that God uses uncomfortable circumstances to encourage us to move in a new direction and I do acknowledge the wisdom in this at times but lately have I’ve felt more 'beaten' than 'stirred'.
I keep wondering how I got so far off track, your plodding along through your 20's and 30's and them 'bam' forty hits you in the face and you realise that where you thought you were going for so long is a hazy dream in the distance that seems almost impossible to reach. Time seems to be running out and I haven't even started to do what I thought I would do with my life. What's up with that?! Then I get on this round about of regret knowing the choices I have made or not made, often through fear, have got me exactly where I am today.
Is this a mid life crisis?
My mum has just paid for the two youngest kidlet's and myself to fly to the Gold Coast and do all the theme park stuff, stay in a beautiful apartment and laze on the beach which has been awesome, and having that space and time away has really helped me to think long and hard about things and what I want to be different. And that’s the thing, it’s really time to change, time to make BIG changes….and I’m a bit scared but determined.
I refuse to be beaten and I will be stirred to take the steps necessary to make my life different and better one step at a time, one day at a time.
Wish me luck.