Thursday, July 21, 2011

Grrr…

Is anyone else having trouble posting comments on other blogs?

It is soooo frustrating but unless I can type in my name and URL I can’t seem to comment, I just get into a never ending loop of having to sign into blogger!

So just a note if I don’t respond to a comment it’s because of this glitch.

What’sup?

Sooo…what you been doing?

No this is not an oil slick. I bought a silk scarf off the internet a couple of years ago but when it arrived it really wasn’t the colour I was hoping for, BRIGHT SHOCKING PINK just isn’t me. So when I was cleaning out my cupboards the other day, reorganising and throwing out and being completely ruthless I was about to put it in the op shop pile when I thought ‘hang on’, it’s beautiful silk and I’m sure I could dye it. So today out came the pots off I went to Spotlight and now I have a lovely charcoal grey scarf that is going to become a favourite. Woo Hoo.

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On a brighter side I’m still working on my zig zag rug which is coming along nicely and you can see the tote bag I made from vintage sheets that holds the wool for this particular project. So very cheery on these frosty, grey evenings.

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I was all organised today and made tea straight after work at 2pm before I went and got the kids. We’re having meatballs with a Provencale sauce and Cous Cous, yum. Then it’s a girls night out with my daughter to check out the final Harry Potter.

I’ve been throwing heaps of stuff out or donating to the oppy’s and it’s such a good feeling to take back control of my life. I keep telling myself ‘If you want your life to change you can’t wait around for someone else to do it, you have to do it yourself’. So things that I have been putting off for ages are on the ‘list’ and they are getting done. And you know what, it’s rubbing off! The hubby has been getting stuck into those little jobs around the house that have been screaming (or is that me screaming) to be done, and I didn't even ask! Awesome.

And while were on the subject of changes I have been really careful with my food since finding out I am Diabetic and it’s a real education. When you have to monitor your blood sugar you really see how food affects your body in an immediate way. To my surprise I am finding it very helpful for helping me loose weight. I think too I can’t tell myself anymore that just one biscuit/cake/pie etc. won’t hurt because it really will and I have the sugar levels to prove it. I’m so terrified of loosing my sight or toes and thinking of the sugar in my blood damaging my organs that I’m not even tempted to break out. This is it!

So far I have lost 8kg and am fitting back into pants that I had put away about two years ago. Sometimes what we see as a curse can turn into a blessing.

I must admit that I get really scared that the motivation will wear off and I’ll just fall in a heap and the change won’t happen, but it’s just one step at a time right? Just keep moving forward.

The one thing that I wish I could change is my loathing of exercise, it’s just so BORING. I can’t afford a gym membership so it’s walking, blah. I have a dream that one day I would actually like to learn to run properly and I quite like cycling but I’m too fat at the moment and I’m scared of falling off. Guess I’ll just keep walking and try to build up to the fun stuff.

Wow, I’ve really rambled on today, the suns gone down and I’d better heat up the tea and get everyone fed before we go out. Till next time.

Monday, July 18, 2011

Other ‘f’ words and randomness

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I was kind of thinking about the how we refer to that common term for sex as the ‘f’ word the other day and thought the letter ‘f’ is getting a bit of a raw deal hence the above.

I’m not much for swearing I remember in fact being soundly told off when I was about 8 for saying ‘shut up’, I actually thought that was a swear word for many years. How’s this for ironical, I had never heard of the ‘f’ word until my best friend told me a joke that contained it when I first started attending a Christian school in grade 5, huh!

But I’m not totally uptight and prudish I have been known to occasionally drop the ‘f’ bomb when under duress (such as having to perform a surgical procedure on my own leg recently to remove a glass shard that became lodged there!!!!!) but hey were all human darn it (no not uptight at all)!

I  find swearing kind of boring and vulgar (don’t you just love the word vulgar, but you have to say it with a posh accent and draw out the ‘arrrr’ at the end to get its full gratifying effect) plus there are just so many other really cool, interesting words you can use to express yourself. I like daggy swearish sort  of words like;

‘Blast’, ‘Dang’, ‘Bother’, ‘Tarnations’, ‘Struth’, ‘Blow’, ‘Dag nab it’ and one that I use with my kids although it’s more of a sound effect ‘grrr, I say, grrr’ team this with dramatic gestures and comic expressions and it can be quite gratifying.

I’ll tell you a secret though, I do like saying ‘Bloody Hell’ (and I did so before Ronald Weasley ever did), I know, shocking!

Friday, July 15, 2011

sooo….

Well I’ve had my tirade and now I’m moving on.

Yep now I’m getting on to the making changes part of my mid life crisis.

I’ve been thinking about a lot of things that I want to be different but I’m going to start one step at a time beginning with a book that I’m currently reading, ‘The Artists Way’. One of the exercises in the book is called Daily Pages in which you write three pages every morning just writing down anything and everything that comes into your mind without censor. So, that’s what I’ve been doing, purging, all the crap that goes around my head I’m releasing onto the page without censor and without judgement. I’ve been aware for years that the way I deal with emotions especially negative ones is to swallow them, literally, hence the massive weight gain and now the diabetes! No more.

Since being diagnosed with diabetes I have made a lot of changes to my diet and I have lost about 4.5 kilos but I know I need some help to be able to really get this show on the road so I’ve also decided to join Weight Watchers to help give me the tools for change. Wednesday at 6 that’s where I’ll be!

In a totally different area of my life I am also doing some major cleaning, reordering and minimising of my house. Unused items and clothes are outta here, and I am reinstating eating meals at the table as a family instead of in front of the telly which has become a very bad habit that I hate.

Just a few things but they each are a small step towards the me I see inside my head and are an outward reflection of an internal shift. Hurrah!

Beach

Beach holidays ahhh…..

A little peak at sparkely nights….

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Lachi’s first view of the ocean…

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water that goes forever'….

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Harry Potter, how exciting….

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dolphins, sea lions, sharks, polar bears and penguins…

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Fun memories! 

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Beaten not Stirred

Dec Jan Feb 127

A lot of the time in Blog land it seems everything is rosy and everyone’s life seems so happy and nice. We seem to only share the good and not so much the bad and of course that’s fine cause who wants to hear everyone moan about the rotten things. I for one love to hear all the happy goings on, but for me at the moment I just can't seem to blog 'happy happy joy joy' cause basically it's not my reality. That's perhaps why I haven't been a regular blogger for the last little while.

This year so far has been right up there with the worst in so many ways. Beginning with school trouble with my youngest and major financial set backs that has seen our family struggle so much and with no end in sight and then finally I have some major health issues. I was diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes a couple of months ago the result of neglecting my health for too many years and now am having to make major changes which is challenging to say the least. Getting the balance right between what I need to do to be healthy,family needs,work commitments etc etc, you know, all the stuff women seem to shoulder, all I know is it's bloody hard!

There is a verse in the Bible which describes a mother Eagle stirring up her nest to encourage her young to fly, making them uncomfortable enough to try their wings and leave the nest. Some say that God uses uncomfortable circumstances to encourage us to move in a new direction and I do acknowledge the wisdom in this at times but lately have I’ve felt more 'beaten' than 'stirred'.

I keep wondering how I got so far off track, your plodding along through your 20's and 30's and them 'bam' forty hits you in the face and you realise that where you thought you were going for so long is a hazy dream in the distance that seems almost impossible to reach. Time seems to be running out and I haven't even started to do what I thought I would do with my life. What's up with that?! Then I get on this round about of regret knowing the choices I have made or not made, often through fear, have got me exactly where I am today.

Is this a mid life crisis?

My mum has just paid for the two youngest kidlet's and myself to fly to the Gold Coast and do all the theme park stuff, stay in a beautiful apartment and laze on the beach which has been awesome, and having that space and time away has really helped me to think long and hard about things and what I want to be different. And that’s the thing, it’s really time to change, time to make BIG changes….and I’m a bit scared but determined.

I refuse to be beaten and I will be stirred to take the steps necessary to make my life different and better one step at a time, one day at a time.

Wish me luck.

Washington - Halloween